Adoption Day!

On May 27th, Rabecca was very suddenly taken from our care to go live with her cousin. We were absolutely heart-broken, as we were leaving the next day to travel home for my sister's wedding. The next few months were hard and we grieved in a lot of different ways.

The beginning of July we welcomed Cloe into our home. She was fifteen at the time and we got to experience a whole new world of parenting a teenager. She stayed until the end of September when we found a more permanent home for her. She is now living with her mom again.

On October 6th, we got the call for baby Legend, who was just a mere two days old. On October 9th, he was driven to our house and arrived sound asleep in his car seat. I won't ever forget the first time I laid eyes on him. He was so tiny (even though he was almost ten pounds, he seemed so tiny to this first time baby momma). I know it sounds cliche, but I fell in love with him so quickly. Everything about him was perfect. It wasn't long before we got a call that the family placement that was arranged, fell through. At only two weeks old, his goal was changed to Non-Relative Adoption. All the feelings started - the weird line of foster care. Your whole being wanting to love this child forever, as your own. Then the other side of you knowing that he has a biological family and that the goal of foster care in reunification. Little did I know, I'd fight those feelings for the rest of the time to come.

As the months passed, I continued to watch him grow and learn new things. I remember looking back in my rear view mirror in the car as I'd drive. He was so little and innocent, totally unaware of the brokenness he had come from. On those drives, my mind would get the best of me. Even though I knew that his goal was Non-Relative Adoption, we still had many trials to attend and I knew anything could happen. Nothing is ever set in stone until adoption is finalized. I would think about all the "What If's". I remember being super envious of my friends who were new mommas. I was envious that they didn't have to lay awake at night wondering if someone would come and take their babies from them. They didn't have to worry about their child going back to a harmful situation. I cannot tell you the amount of sleepless nights I've had over the last two years. Then that weird line sets in again, the thoughts that reminded me that he wasn't "mine" and that this is what I signed up for. It didn't make it any easier.

I now realize that if Rabecca had not gone back to family when she did, we may never have gotten the call to take our son. God was working in the midst of all the chaos.

Six months had passed and life was finally becoming "normal" again. We apparently aren't allowed to experience normal for too long because we got into a bad car accident on April 28th. I broke three bones in my hand and am still currently dealing with the healing process. A few days later, we would get a phone call asking if we'd be willing to adopt Rabecca. Our world blew up again. It seemed that anytime I would finally get my emotions in check and be functioning semi-well, we'd get a call for another child. Even in the midst of chaos, we of course said "yes" with tears of joy in our eyes.

We really couldn't believe that it was happening. We were excited to see her and welcome her back into our family forever. It of course didn't come without fears. Fears of her being removed again, fears of being a family of four, and fears of how the two kids would interact. She returned and quickly made herself at home. Since she is older, she understands what is happening and being adopted is a hard pill to swallow. Her heart longs to be with her biological family, just as it should be. I think that her situation really sheds some honest light on adoption. Although it is a beautiful thing and much better than being in foster care until she's 18, there is always loss in adoption. There is loss for her biological family and there is loss for her. This is why when people approach us and say things like, "Wow! I'm so excited you're getting adopted!", her response is not normally what they are expecting. Being adopted and taken from your biological family at seven years old is a lot to process.

With that being said, our kids have a special bond that I can't explain. Legend lights up and screams anytime his sister comes into the room. Rabecca loves to play with him and help take care of him. For Rabecca, she can empathize with his story. As they grow older, I hope that they will continue to have a close relationship and be able to be open and honest about their feelings because they share similar experiences.

Today, February 20th, we officially became a family of four. For the first time in over two years, I feel like I can breathe easy. No more CPS, no more visits, no more mounds of paperwork, no more watching over our shoulders, no more certified babysitters, and no more fear of our children being taken. What a glorious day it is! Never in a million years would I have guessed that we'd get to adopt both Legend and Rabecca on the SAME day. All I can say is, God moves mountains and He is faithful.

Our kids are beautiful inside and out. They are cherished. They are wanted. They are chosen. They are loved. I hope that as they grow old, they will know how much they are loved by Chris and me, but even more so by their Maker.

For the first time....I'd love to introduce to you our beautiful son and daughter, Rabecca Lynn Nelson and Legend Keith Nelson.