Wednesday, July 12, 2017

Being Refined

As a Christ follower, I'm in a constant state of being refined {{or at least when I'm listening to God and walking in His obedience}}. The past five months I feel as if I've been put through the fire, at times. I'm learning to stare down my deepest fears and look them in the eye. I'm learning that I'm more of a control freak than I thought I was.

Opening our home to others has made me realize just how much I am NOT in control. I've struggled with worrying about a situation so much that I make myself sick over it. Maybe you can relate? Going through every possible scenario and playing out all the possible outcomes. It's exhausting; not to mention a waste of time.


I've struggled with having thoughts that are selfish, entitled, self-righteous, and envious. There are times I can easily take them before God and ask Him to change my heart. There are time I seek out scriptures or friends' advice for encouragement. But if I'm honest, there are times when I just want to have myself a little pity party. There are days where I just want to sit in my pool of thoughts and be mad.


BUT eventually... I'm always brought back to an understanding that I cannot do this without God's wisdom, direction, peace, and strength. On my own, I fail every time. I'm having to come to terms that I'm not perfect. That I don't always have the answer. That God's plan doesn't always line up with my plans. I'm learning that I need to give up the control and let God do His thing, because He's pretty dang good at it. I'm learning to not only say I trust Him, but actually trust Him in the very core of my being.


I'm being refined. It's ugly and painful, but beautiful and freeing all at the same time.